Jokes

Italian as she is spoke
One day ima gonna to Cape Town to bigga hotel. Inna morning I go down to eata breakfast. I tella de waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tell her I wanna two piss. She says go to toilet. Isay you no understand. I wann two piss onna plate. She say you betta no piss ona plate you sonna bitch. I donna even know de lady and she calls me sonna bitch! Later I go eat ata bigga ristorante. De waitress she bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. Itell her I wanna fock. She tells me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no unnerstand. I wanna fock on de table. She say you betta no fock on de table you sonna bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna bed. I call de manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tells me go to toilet. I say you no unnerstand I wanna shit onna bed. He say you betta no shit on you bed you sonna bitch. I go to check out and the manna the desk say "Peace to you" I say pissa onna you to you sonna bitch. I gonna back to Italy

What Not To Name Your Dog
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing and looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me, too." Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, "Me, too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."

My case comes up Friday.